Friday, January 30, 2009


Matviy is my rock, he helps me in times of need. I love it. I hope he comes back to PHHS so badly, because then my rock is at school with me :]. such a sweetheart. :]

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Character Flaws

Reblog this, and list all of your character flaws.

-I am rather callous
-I don't like small, obnoxious children
-I think I'm too assertive/masculine
-I'm too assertive.
-I'm super annoying, idk how my friends stand me.
-I am afraid of living life unnoticed
-I can't cry. or, it takes a lot.
-I have mad-cravings for affection
-I flirt a lot
-I hold EVERYTHING in. Nobody knows what's wrong with me at any given moment
I think that I'm rather clingy.
-I am rather dull.
Let’s see how ugly you are, compared to me.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Ima Cheeseball.

Stop. Get out of my head. I love you I hate you I Need you. I cant get you out of my head. Why?
I've come to realize, that although we're different people now, there is no way I can live my life not loving you. I hate it, you tear my up inside, but stitch me up again as well. I cant go a day without your name not crossing my mind. Why? Because I love you. Every way I look at your personality, I love you. In every which way. It isn't logical for me to love you, either. You turn me into a wreck, we haven't had a decent conversation in months, we can barely talk without fighting half the time. But the irrevocable truth is that I love you. I can't say I wish that I didn't, because you're a part of me, you changed me. Perhaps for the worse, perhaps for the better. I think for the better. I can live my life and not care, so for that, I thank you. No matter what, whenever you feel alone, always ,always know that there will be someone out there that loves you no matter what you do.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

So, I was reading Ryan's blog like. two seconds ago, and it is seriously mind boggling. not BOTTLING, Ryan. Boggling. I have so much homework this weekend. oh my dear. WHAP, Graphic Design, French. FUN! and some International Fair stuff all week.
Soyeah, I've been watching Rurouni Kenshin, and 1st shop of Coffee Prince. Reading Ichigo 100%, Special A, Karin, and Suzuka. Lol. Busybody, right?

I'm about to tell ____ that I like him. Haha. ohmydearr.

Monday, January 19, 2009

__ Loves you too.

He said that like. 5 mintues ago. I think something inside of me started crying. Why? Honestly, Why does he say things like that? I just closed that box! I JUST CLOSED THAT PART OFF. And now, its as if he ripped off the cover of that box. Everything came spilling out, what is the matter with me? He hurt me so terribly, and Im willing to do it again. Am I stupid? I think so. I'm wilting as I type. I've lost the will to blog. He hurts me, but lifts me up at the same time. Terrible.

Friday, January 16, 2009


01. Real name → Thi Tuyet Phan *NOBODY GIVE ANYTHING ABOUT THAT!*
002. Nickname(s)→Thii, ThiiRexx,Thi-Thi, Penis, Ateh
003. Zodiac sign → Cancer
004. Male or female → Fmale
005. Elementary → Cherrywood
006. Middle School → Sierramont
007. High School → Piedmont Hills
008. Hair color → Brownish-reddish?
009. Long or short →shortish..i guess
010. Loud or Quiet → loud most of the time.
011. Sweats or Jeans → JEANS.
012. Phone or Camera → phone. it HAS a camera. :]
013. Health freak → Sortve? sometimes?
014. Drink or Smoke? Drinking..
015. Do you have a crush on someone? Of sorts.
016. Eat or Drink → Drink. I enjoy my liquids...
017. Piercings → Ears.
018. Tattoos → Someday

019. Been in an airplane→ yahr, when i was little.
020. Been in a relationship →yeah
021. Been in a car accident → yeah
022. Been in a fist fight → never. im a pacifist of sorts.

023. First piercing →Ears
024. First best friend → Pre-K? Kinder?
025. First award → Uhh.. idk?
026. First crush → pre-k!
027. where did this go? No where? i was in Pre K. Lol
028. First big vacation → Hawaii when i was 2 yeaaa.

029. Last person you talked to →Uh?
030. Last person you texted → cant Text
031. Last person you watched a movie with → my doggie! @ home Lol.
032. Last food you ate → Choco Pocky.
033. Last movie you watched → Lady & the Tramp. cuhs Reggie likes it.
034. Last song you listened to → Dirty Cash- Big Bang
035. Last thing you bought →Fries 4 Rikki.
036. Last person you hugged →uh...Hard question..
038. Drinks → Shirley Temples, Cranberry thingies my sister makes, Diet Coke/Pepsi
039. Clothing → huh?
040. Flower→ Tulip/Lillies/Daffodils
041. O-o. er..
042. Colors → Red, Purple, Orange
043. Movies → idk?
044. Subjects → History..idk.. I loved music..

IN 2008..... I

045. [x] kissed someone
046. [x] celebrated Halloween
047. [x ] had your heart broken
048. [x] went over the minutes on your cell phone
049. [x] questioned someone sexual orientation
050. [ ] came out of the closet
051. [ ] gotten pregnant
052. [ ] had an abortion
053. [x] done something you've regretted
054. [x] broke a promise
055. [x] hid a secret
056. [x] pretended to be happy
057. [x] met someone who changed your life
058. [x] pretended to be sick
059. [x] left the country (started off out of the country)
060. [x] tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it
061. [x] cried over the silliest thing
062. [x] ran a mile
063. [ ] went to the beach with your best friend(s)
064. [x] got into an argument with your friends
065. [x] hated someone
066. and this one? uhm..

067. Eating → nothing? its almost 11..
068. Drinking → Water?
069. I'm about to → Call someone.
070. Listening to → Lady- Big Bang <33
071. Plans for today →sleep?
072. Waiting for → Nothing.

073. Want kids? → Yeah. in multiples of either 3 or 7
074. Want to get married? → yeah. i guess..
075. Careers in mind → Astronaut! Anesthesiologist
076. Lips or eyes → Eyes.
077. Shorter or taller? →Taller.
079. Nice stomach or nice arms → They have to MATCH.
080. Sensitive or loud →either or.
081. Hook-up or relationship → Relationship
082. Trouble-maker or hesitant → NEITHER.

083. Lost glasses/contacts →yeah.
084. Ran away from home → No?
085. Hold a gun/knife for self defense →Nope.
086. Killed somebody →Nope.
087. Broken someone's heart → Hope not..doubt it.
088. and this one too? Kaythen.
089. Cried when someone died → Nope. Sad, right?

090. Yourself →Not particularly.
091. Miracles → Of Sorts.
092. Love at first sight → Not particularly.
093. Heaven → of sorts.
094. Santa Claus →Sure.
095. Sex on the first date → eh. idk.
096. Kiss on the first date →depends.

097. Is there one person you want to be with right now? → Yes..Kindve..idk.
098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life? →Not Particularly.
099. Do you believe in God → Yes.
100. Post as 100 truths and tag 10 people

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

i Love this house, I was talking to Roan earlier, and he said he'd design my dream house, which is actually a castle. Yeah, i know. It's going to be a combination of Hogwarts, Cinderella's castle, and Chartes cathedral. It is going to be Awesome. After, I want him to build me a variation of this house
It is so amazing, i swear.So yeah, I feel so odd right now, down but up. Weird, right? I cant blog in depth at the moment. eh.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

amorous. pt 1.

“How Do I Love Thee?”
by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

Monday, January 12, 2009


Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were, but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today, ooh, ooh

I would hold you in my arms, I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done, forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do to hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you but I know you won't be there

Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this, ooh

Would you tell me I was wrong? Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me? Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't do to have just one more chance
To look into your eyes and see you looking back

Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself, oh

If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you
Since you've been away

Oh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself
By hurting you.

en raison de toi.

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

Friday, January 9, 2009


I feel so sad at the moment. This should be in my other blog, but I don't exactly want to use that one, don't know why. I'll probably end up posting it in there anyways. So, anyways, there's something in me that wants to die right now. I don't know what it is, it's just losing the will to live. It's as if my head says "be happy, your life is going great right now" and my body and heart are saying "don't lie to yourself, you're coming apart at the seams, you may be able to lie to yourself, and others, but not me". I don't have the ability to cry. The reason- I don't know, honestly. :]

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
I think its real. Terrible. It's probably never going to go away either. You don't want to accept it, but I think about you every day. You're always on my mind.

Okay, so new part of the blog. I was thinking, and I don't know who that song reminds me of more. Both J names, one reads this blog. LOL. So, yeah.
Yay, Rikki is home. One thing in my life that is going mildly right, maybe now, with my therapist home from her vaycay ill feel less dead. I'm starting to do homework just to fill the void. TERRIBLE! I feel so incredibly empty all of the time now DX.

I'll blog more later. i guess.

Thursday, January 8, 2009


Soyeah, im listening to my blogsong right now, and i have to say, that i Love it and, a the same time, hate it. Its difficult to expain. It reminds me of Jeshua utterly. its so weird.

Haven't you heard?
I'm stuck on a face
I'm stuck on a boy who fills me with joy.
And its true, im absolutely stuck on him. Ohgosh, i hope he doesn't read this. Lol. dunno how he find it though. :] I never told him about my blog. Did I? Cant say that i remember.
And he doesn't know just how far I would go
Just to kiss him
He doesn't doesn't know I pine.
He doesn't. He doesn't know at all how much I love him. I don't think I even know. Hm. Sunset Glow has been stuck in my head for a while. I haven't talked to Goose in a while. Hm. Can't say that I really. i dunno, I wouldn't want to say care, because i like talking to him and all, but, hm. Maybe I've gotten over my crush? i dunno. Whatever.
So, I've been talking to ROANROANROAN lately. I need to make up a nickname for him. Lol.
So yeah, i feel like putting pics of BIGBANG in. Cuhs they're awesome. I haven't blogged in a while, i just realized that.. Hm.

I must say, these are my Favorite pictures of them. :] just BTW.

There's a line in this song, that depresses me deeply.
And haven't you heard?
I thought I had first
And he loves me so
We're two in a row.
Soyeah. He doesn't love me so.. and.. :/ Should this blog be on the other? No idea.

So. so so, gruesome. yesterday, i was reading up on lethal injection and types of death penalties. hm. My computer is registering weird spell-checks. On words that aren't spelled incorrectly. Whatever. So, on the PSATs i got 145 or something of the sort. im in the 55th percentile. My math score brought DOWN. Way down. Sad.
I'm running out of things to blog about. I miss Rikki dearly. :[ Jon too. Jeshua too. Ah. Sven too. :[[ I'm making Rikki a jacket. :] IF YOU READ THIS. AND YOU SPOIL MY SURPRISE IM GOING TO KILL YOU. ACT IT! Lol.

Ran outtve things to writ e about. Blog tomorrow promise. I'm gna go read Beloved. Yuck.

That fire you ignited
Good, bad and undecided
Burns when I stand beside it
Your light is ultraviolet

Visions so insane
Travel unraveling through my brain
Cold when I am denied it
Your light is ultraviolet

P.S. Goose, dyou still read this? hm.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

June 29th.

C'est moi? Je Ne Sais Pas.

the intuitive individuals celebrating birthdays on this date have a knack for anticipating other peoples actions and reactions. While you are ambitious and determined with a strong sense of purpose and a need to be successful, you are also quite amiable and extremely sensitive to the prevailing mood. In business, you are quick to figure out what the public wants and able to understand what must be done in order to give it to them. Since you go out of your way to avoid arguments and unpleasantness, you usually know the right thing to do or say to get others to go along with your plans and ideas.
Those born on June 29 are typically compassionate, home loving, and gracious. Although you usually put your family and friends first, you know how to make everyone feel welcome. You are helpful and accommodating, but you cannot be pushed too far. When you're upset, you turn sullen and moody. Shrewd in business and finance, your practical side keeps you focused on you material goals. However, the artistic side of your nature yearns for the tranquility of beautiful things and harmonious surroundings.
Because you think in pairs, you're much happier sharing your life with a partner than going it alone. You are innately warm-hearted, affectionate, and responsive. You're also rather sentimental, and romance and courtship are particularly important to you.