Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Je pense que je veux mourir.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Mon Chien

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

I hate feeling like this. Immensely. -_- This is bull.

Thursday, October 15, 2009


Thinks far with vision
Easily influenced by kindness
Polite and soft-spoken
Having lots of ideas
Active mind
Tends to delay
Choosy and always wants the best
Funny and humorous
Loves to joke
Good debating skills
Knows how to make friends
Able to show character
Easily hurt
Prone to getting colds
Loves to dress up
Easily bored
Seldom shows emotions
Takes time to recover when hurt
Brand conscious

Monday, October 12, 2009

I wish I never loved you.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

I'm so lost and lonely.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

I just don't know what to do. Is your life better without me? Are you glad we aren't together anymore? Was I just turning into baggage? I feel so broken. I thought you loved me. Do you even miss me? Do you have any feelings left? I can be the girl you loved. I promise. I won't be negative anymore. I promise to be the fun, nice girl that you loved before. I didn't realize I was being so negative and unlikable. I can be a Christian. I change back. That girl you love is still in me. I promise. Just give me another chance. I know I sound pathetic and everything, but I've never loved anybody this much. I don't know what to do without you. I feel so lost and alone. I'll be whatever you want me to be. I promise. Just come back to me. Please?
I wish I had never brought anything up. I wish I could turn back time and just leave it as it was. I wish you told me you were getting annoyed. I wish you had just talked to me and told me my negativity was getting annoying. I would have stopped. I'll do anything for you.

Does he even miss me?
I miss him. I miss everything about him. I just want him back.
I'll do nearly anything to have Roan back. .. I almost typed My. He isn't mine anymore..
I'll convert for him
I'll be the way I was before for him. I.E. Happy
My negativity just kind of came out. I'm sorry Roan. I can change. I didn't realize I was being so negative.. I should have realized it bothered you. I'm sorry. I can change. I can be different.

I've never loved anybody this much. I don't want to lose him. I feel so.. lost without him.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

So, I don't know what I did to make him stop loving me. Okay.. Yes I do. But, I'm a little over that. A little. I'm cried out. For the moment.
Watch it all come back tomorrow. DX
I guess its my fault. Loving someone this much cant be good for you. Whatever.
I'm not mad anymore. I'm glad he did it now rather than wait and let me fall even More in love with him. I could never hate him. I'll move on.
Everyone says that you can't be friends with your exes. I want to prove that wrong. If I can't be his girlfriend, I want to be his best friend. I don't want him out of my life. And I don't have a hidden agenda, I just.. Need him in my life, one way or another.
I don't know. I've just come so accustomed to his presence, and it would be weird to not talk to him or anything.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

I really Love math.

Seriously, I love it. It is one of my absolute FAVORITE subjects. Ever.
I'm just.. incapable of .. Doing it. Haha. Pathetic, right?

I just love how my answer is either Right or Wrong. I can actually get 100% on a test, no questions asked. Its just 100%.
Not like in english, when if you get 100% on an essay or whatever, you're just like "did i really deserve that? Could I have done better?". Yeah. I love Math. I wish I was better at it though.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Stolen from Rikki!

1. Do not tell us when you think other girls are hot.
2. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
3. If you don’t act like soap-opera guys, don’t expect us to dress like Victoria Secret models.
4. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
5. There is no such thing as too much spooning.
6. This is how we see it … Don’t call = Don’t Care.
7. Which also means that if we don’t call, take the hint.
8. We like you to be a little jealous … but overly possessive is not necessary.
9. Putting things in our butt does not turn us on.
10. We’re allowed to be late … you are not.
11. Eye contact is key.
12. Don’t take longer to get ready than we do.
13. Laugh at our jokes.
14. Three words … honesty, honesty, honesty.
15. Girls can be groupies. Guy groupies are stalkers.
16. Do not start with us. You will not win.
17. Would you like it if a guy treated your sister that way? We didn’t think so.
18. If you ask nicely, we usually answer the same way.
19. We will never have enough clothes or shoes!
20. We have an excuse to act bitchy at least once a month.
21. Open the door for us no matter where we are … even at our house and getting into the car.
22. We love surprises!
23. We liked to be kissed softly, not with an iron tongue.
24. Pay attention to the little things we do, because they mean the most.
25. Boxers and maybe boxer briefs sometimes … NEVER whitey-tighties, NEVER!
26. Clean your room before we come over.
28. Always brush your teeth before you see us … a fresh mouth and white teeth are a necessity.
29. Even though you are sometimes insensitive and hurt us, we still love you with everything we are.
30. Hit it and quit it, because later I’ll be with your best friend and he lasts for hours.
31. Sometimes “NO!” really means “NO!”
32. “Wife Beaters” are not an adequate form of fashion.
33. Sensitive guys are great … but crying more than we do in a movie just isn’t right.
34. Don’t let ex-girlfriends cause drama, relationships are stressful enough.
35. It takes a special kind of stupid to forget birthdays.
36. Guys who are good cuddlers = guys who know how to satisfy a woman.
37. “Fat Chicks” have feelings too.
38. Silent treatment, shoulder shrugs, tears, yelling and nasty looks all add up to … YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG!
39. If you are not a good dancer, please be self-aware.
40. Just because a girl doesn’t pick up on the first ring doesn’t mean she’s not waiting by the phone.
41. You don’t have to spend a lot ($$$), if it means a lot.
42. Don’t say you love me if you don’t mean it.
43. Don’t lie to us … we will catch you.

44. When the girls get together, we talk about EVERYTHING. Meaning my best friends know everything about you

Too True. Most of the things in here are too true. Should be like, the boy bible. I think ill write that one day. :D

Sunday, August 9, 2009


I had the most perfect day with Roan. Even if we were just chilling and eating and watching TV. Lol. We bonded while husking corn. It Pwned. Loll. Ah. I'm falling deeper in love with you each day. <3


Saturday, August 1, 2009

This is probably The most comfortable way to sleep. Period. Thats all. End of story. Period. No Questions Asked. I wish i could sleep like that right now. Roan, get your butt over here! DX.


Damn. I love cuddling. Especially spooning. I wish I did it more often. -_- I have a better way of cuddling though. Its super comfy. But im not sharing <3 ;P

Why does Love happen between two people?

“No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That’s why perfume and deodorant are so popular.” (Jan, 9)

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

I miss my boyfriend immensely. He needs to fucking get his ass in gear and get back home to me. RAWR! Roan [Victor] vanDyk, you get your butt back home! -_- I spent all night thinking about us. It was.. Interesting, to say the least. I was just kind of like. I cant bear the thought of losing you, but at the same time I hate when you go on extended trips. I'll wait it out. I love you too much. I FOUND MY PROM DRESS. ITS THE SHIT. and $150.. but thats beside the point! Its pretty and SO me. I'll wear the necklace Trang got me for my birthday. Heellll Yes.

Friday, July 10, 2009

I miss roan!

I miss Roan!! DXX. Summer sucks without him. -_- Not exaggerating. Seriously. I have NOOTHHHINNGG to do. NOOOOOTTTHHIINNNGG to look forward to. SERIOUSLY. -_-
2 weeks. omfg. -_- so bored.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009


"A kiss is a lovely trick, designed by nature, to stop words when speech becomes superfluous."
--Ingrid Bergmen

"Your words are my food, your breath my wine. You are everything to me."
--Sarah Bernhardt

"What I feel for you seems less of earth and more of a cloudless heaven."
--Victor Hugo

The couple that fights the most is the one most in love... it shows they care enough to notice the other one screwed up and care enough to mention it to the person so they can fix it. When you stop fighting it means you stopped caring.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Happy Happy Happy :D

Hello All! :D This is my first post in a while a long while. Not much to say.. except...
I GOT A NETBOOK. For my 16th birthday. From my dad. Whoot.
Im still getting used to the keyboard. I don't know what its called, but its an Asus. and it says EEE PC on it. I think.. That it is the.. 1000HA. or 1000HE. I dont know. But its pretty.
Joe says its one of the best on the market. Thanks daddy. :D
AND. Dizzy (my stuffed animal from way back), glow in the dark stars and nail polish from Roan.
A pearl necklace with matching earrings from my mommy.
A one of a kind antiqued silver necklace from Trang WITH a singing card like last year's. (anyone that was at my birthday will remember.) Yay.
Neat-o birthday. Yay. :D
I need to exchange giant boxes with Rikki already. -_-

Monday, June 1, 2009


Thursday, May 21, 2009

I lost UNICEF elections. This is the last straw, i totally give up.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

It always amuses me when people have those alarm thingies to put on things they usually lose, like their car keys, TV remote, ect, and then lose the remote for the alarm thing. Always funny to me. no clue why.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009


Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms
There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life

If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

A window breaks, down a long, dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I'm alright, 'cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see, through the dark there is light

Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought that I'd love anyone so much

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way the back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Mon Petit Chou. I Love You :D

Friday, April 17, 2009

I was.

I was about to switch to Twitter.. When I realized, I've grown quite fond of Blogger. :] I finally got texting :D Whoooot. um. I can now be constantly in contact with my wonderful boyfriend. I was trying to type "dearest" with T9, and instead it put dearfart. oh dear :] I am quite terrible at writing dialogue.. I must admit. Haha. I gave up Jeshieua for Lent, and I stuck to it. Congratulations, Thi. :]

So today, Reggie ran outside again. This time, Ohdear! it was terrible, he got hit by a car! Well.. not. Hit exactly, but HIT! Kindve. He ran into hostetter road when it was busy and this Tan Honda Civic drove into him! He got knocked over. Good thing he didnt get hit by the wheels. Reggie is fine, a little shaken up, but fine. :] If anyone sees a tan/brown honda civic around. No back thingie or anything, give me the license plate. Haha. Trang was too worried about Reggie to get the license plate number down. But the person hit him and drove off! stupid Jerk! i watched the sound of music today. It was quite soothing. :] Kay, idk what to write anymore. Whateverr.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Finally got Texting! whootwhoot! :D

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

I am so sorry.

I've cried more in the past week, than in an entire year. I'm trying to be a better girlfriend for Roan. He deserves much much better than me. I tried. And I'm Failing. I cant change for the better, even for him. I'm so sorry, Roan. You deserve somebody else.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Dainty I am Not.

So, everyone is always like "You and Roan make such a cute couple". It confuses me. What constitutes us as a "cute" couple? Do we look good together? Is it because I'm rather dark, and hes super pale? I don't know. We seem to be polar opposites. He's really quiet and reserved, and I'm rather hyper. When I think about it, Roan and I don't exactly... Click...well. I'm not able to tell him whats on my mind or anything. I don't seem to be his type. I can see Roan with a taller, skinnier, white girl that is very feminine and artistic. Someone Dainty that loves being taken care of. Not me. Definitely not me. I don't know. I'm always worried he'll find someone better and leave me. :[

Saturday, March 21, 2009


For some reason, I feel inconceivably upset.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

I cause my own unhappiness. Why am I rejecting him? I don't know what to do. I'm afraid to love him too much. Something tells me we wont last because of my stupidity.

Saturday, March 14, 2009


goddamnit! Roan wants to learn how to skate!
ahhgg. I swear, I won't want him if he starts SKATING EVERYfCKINGWHERE
I'm going to be one of those freaking girlfriends that goes to the park with their skater boyfriend and WATCHES while he skates off. AHGG. "If i learn to skate, ill get to you faster" YEAH. YOULL ALSO LEAVE ME FASTER YOU JACKASS!

Wednesday, March 11, 2009



Saturday, March 7, 2009

This Dress is Love. Period.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Funny. Stuff.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

My Boyfriend is a Cutie

Its a little hard to read, but :]


Ahh. I really need to finish WHAP today so I can relax and do my color collage for Kennett tomorrow. Yuuckk. DX Luckily, everyone says the WHAP questions are relatively simple. Thankgoodness. I finished 1 in about 20 minutes, if you really think about it. If I subtract all of my distractions :]. YeahYeah. Blahblahblah. BoredBoredBored. WHAP TIME. Okay. Bye!

Wednesday, February 18, 2009


Today, I realized I spend way too much time on the computer. I grabbed the menu at the restaurant, glanced at the page, and tried to do CTRL+F to find seafood. Geek coming through! FML

Thursday, February 12, 2009

FunDay :D

Totally AMAZING day today. :DDD. Crepes in French, Well, BIO was stupid. GEO i actually UNDERSTAND! WHAP, he said i did Good in my presentation. whootwhoot. Graphic design, I have half of my project finished. YESS!!!
My life is going Goooood. for the most part :DD
A. I have an amazing boyfriend who likes me for who I am
B. Rikki likes my amazing boyfriend, so I can keep him :]
C. My Homies are awesome
1. My grades are gooooood
2. I'm losing weight. YESS!
3. I've reconnected with my UNICEF buds!

AH! i feel so amazering. Today was fun. Rikki had fun camwhoring with my camera. Took like. 40 pics of me and Roan. Looll. HE SAW MY FEEEEET DX. Umm. I need to charge batteries for tomorrow, because Roan and I will be wearing matching SHIRTS :OO.
Also, I need to bake some cooookies for tomorrow. I have enough baggies, thankgoodness DX. YAY Yay YAAYYY. just watch, later one today ill feel like Shiiizzznittzz

So, my kid's names are going to be
Jasper James
Mimzy Mignonette
Lucy Levon
Ahght Andrew
Kracken Khonnor(maybe)
Ferarri Fleur
Cloud Calla (maybe)

Bold names are for sure. :]

Wednesday, February 11, 2009


I'm carrying so much emotional baggage right now. Roan's running for the hills. DX I hate it, we haven't even been together 2 weeks and hes already running. Matviy, save me. DX these things are driving me crazy, and i dont know what to do. Nothing is helping. It feels like parts of me are being ripped away. Its hard to breathe, i'm always on the verge of tears, but nothing ever comes out.

TEN things you wish you could say to TEN different people right now:
1. What did I do to deserve this?
2. Wow, I'm crushing.
3.I Love you.
4. BSB are awesome!
5. I want FroYo.
6. I want Tapioca Express.
7. Build a bridge, and get over it.
8. I miss you, terribly.
10. Pocky, Thi Wants.

NINE things about yourself:
1. It takes alot for me to cry.
2. I love religious music.
3. I love the idea of love.2
4. I have trust issues.
5. I have alot of emotional baggage.
6. I love hugs.
7. I love BSB and BIG BANG
8. I don't think very much of myself
9. I think quite alot.

EIGHT ways to win your heart:
1. Be upfront
2. Dont play games
3. Be sincere
4. Dont force me to do anything
5. Know what my favorite flower is
6. Dont eat Hersheys, Mars, or Nestle
7. Write me mooshygooshy letters
8. Give amazing hugs.

SEVEN things that cross your mind a lot:
1. My future
2. Death
3. My boyfriend
4. Jeshieua
5. My bad self esteem.
6. The weather
7. Song Lyrics

SIX things you do before you go to bed:
1. Check/charge phone
2. Think about my day
3. Think of what to wear tomorow
4. Check the weather
5. Shut the door
6. Think about things that matter.

FIVE people who mean a lot.
1. RikkiTikiSunshine <--HomieG that helps me through it
2. RoanButtercupVanDyk <-- Boyfriend thats there for me.
4. Ha Duong <-- Spazzer!/HomeworkHelper

FOUR things you’re wearing right now.
1. Headphones
2. Bracelets
3. Socks
4. Underwear.

THREE songs that fit your life perfectly.
1. UpUpUp by Rose Falcon
2. Because of you by Kelly Clarkson
3. Reflection by Christina Aguilera

TWO things you want to do before you die:
1. love myself
2. Streak.

ONE confession:
I have immense issues with letting people in. Too many people have hurt me. Because of this, I have trust issues, and cannot commit to a relationship. I bolt if he starts getting to close. I'm trying to fix myself for my new boyfriend.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

To do

To Do:
WHAP powerpoint
Double Entry Journal
Bio Extra Credit

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Sometimes you make me feel..

Yeah, sometimes, I wake up in the morning and I want to roll over and Die. I wish i could cry, I havent for How long? It's terrible.. All of these emotions and they only go in. I feel cold when I.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009


Blog about someone special.
So, I don't think anyone knows this, but when my someone special makes me sad, I physically wilt. Like, literally. I can feel my eyes get sad. Its odd. My special someone makes me wilt often, only when we're talking online though. Is that healthy? I don't know. I feel so uptight, though. Getting all withered when he says something that hurts my feelings.. Idunno, I'm trying to change...

Tuesday, February 3, 2009


ViyViy, you don't read this. But, If you do, i love you dearly. (completely platonic, dont get any ideas!)You keep me sane when im about to go insane. Its crazy. You keep my head level, you make me think, laugh, smile, work hard. You make me believe in myself, its as if youre my life coach with pretty eyes. :] My 2nd life coach. Numbero 1 is Ms. Lee. sorry, dear. :]


So, you, Yes you. You give me odd feelings. I have a GIGANTIC crush on you. But you make me feel so guiilttyy. You waited for an Hour? Such a sweetheart. I don't deserve you.

Monday, February 2, 2009

I have a boyfriend.

And i think hes wonderful. :]

Friday, January 30, 2009


Matviy is my rock, he helps me in times of need. I love it. I hope he comes back to PHHS so badly, because then my rock is at school with me :]. such a sweetheart. :]

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Character Flaws

Reblog this, and list all of your character flaws.

-I am rather callous
-I don't like small, obnoxious children
-I think I'm too assertive/masculine
-I'm too assertive.
-I'm super annoying, idk how my friends stand me.
-I am afraid of living life unnoticed
-I can't cry. or, it takes a lot.
-I have mad-cravings for affection
-I flirt a lot
-I hold EVERYTHING in. Nobody knows what's wrong with me at any given moment
I think that I'm rather clingy.
-I am rather dull.
Let’s see how ugly you are, compared to me.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Ima Cheeseball.

Stop. Get out of my head. I love you I hate you I Need you. I cant get you out of my head. Why?
I've come to realize, that although we're different people now, there is no way I can live my life not loving you. I hate it, you tear my up inside, but stitch me up again as well. I cant go a day without your name not crossing my mind. Why? Because I love you. Every way I look at your personality, I love you. In every which way. It isn't logical for me to love you, either. You turn me into a wreck, we haven't had a decent conversation in months, we can barely talk without fighting half the time. But the irrevocable truth is that I love you. I can't say I wish that I didn't, because you're a part of me, you changed me. Perhaps for the worse, perhaps for the better. I think for the better. I can live my life and not care, so for that, I thank you. No matter what, whenever you feel alone, always ,always know that there will be someone out there that loves you no matter what you do.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

So, I was reading Ryan's blog like. two seconds ago, and it is seriously mind boggling. not BOTTLING, Ryan. Boggling. I have so much homework this weekend. oh my dear. WHAP, Graphic Design, French. FUN! and some International Fair stuff all week.
Soyeah, I've been watching Rurouni Kenshin, and 1st shop of Coffee Prince. Reading Ichigo 100%, Special A, Karin, and Suzuka. Lol. Busybody, right?

I'm about to tell ____ that I like him. Haha. ohmydearr.

Monday, January 19, 2009

__ Loves you too.

He said that like. 5 mintues ago. I think something inside of me started crying. Why? Honestly, Why does he say things like that? I just closed that box! I JUST CLOSED THAT PART OFF. And now, its as if he ripped off the cover of that box. Everything came spilling out, what is the matter with me? He hurt me so terribly, and Im willing to do it again. Am I stupid? I think so. I'm wilting as I type. I've lost the will to blog. He hurts me, but lifts me up at the same time. Terrible.

Friday, January 16, 2009


01. Real name → Thi Tuyet Phan *NOBODY GIVE ANYTHING ABOUT THAT!*
002. Nickname(s)→Thii, ThiiRexx,Thi-Thi, Penis, Ateh
003. Zodiac sign → Cancer
004. Male or female → Fmale
005. Elementary → Cherrywood
006. Middle School → Sierramont
007. High School → Piedmont Hills
008. Hair color → Brownish-reddish?
009. Long or short →shortish..i guess
010. Loud or Quiet → loud most of the time.
011. Sweats or Jeans → JEANS.
012. Phone or Camera → phone. it HAS a camera. :]
013. Health freak → Sortve? sometimes?
014. Drink or Smoke? Drinking..
015. Do you have a crush on someone? Of sorts.
016. Eat or Drink → Drink. I enjoy my liquids...
017. Piercings → Ears.
018. Tattoos → Someday

019. Been in an airplane→ yahr, when i was little.
020. Been in a relationship →yeah
021. Been in a car accident → yeah
022. Been in a fist fight → never. im a pacifist of sorts.

023. First piercing →Ears
024. First best friend → Pre-K? Kinder?
025. First award → Uhh.. idk?
026. First crush → pre-k!
027. where did this go? No where? i was in Pre K. Lol
028. First big vacation → Hawaii when i was 2 yeaaa.

029. Last person you talked to →Uh?
030. Last person you texted → cant Text
031. Last person you watched a movie with → my doggie! @ home Lol.
032. Last food you ate → Choco Pocky.
033. Last movie you watched → Lady & the Tramp. cuhs Reggie likes it.
034. Last song you listened to → Dirty Cash- Big Bang
035. Last thing you bought →Fries 4 Rikki.
036. Last person you hugged →uh...Hard question..
038. Drinks → Shirley Temples, Cranberry thingies my sister makes, Diet Coke/Pepsi
039. Clothing → huh?
040. Flower→ Tulip/Lillies/Daffodils
041. O-o. er..
042. Colors → Red, Purple, Orange
043. Movies → idk?
044. Subjects → History..idk.. I loved music..

IN 2008..... I

045. [x] kissed someone
046. [x] celebrated Halloween
047. [x ] had your heart broken
048. [x] went over the minutes on your cell phone
049. [x] questioned someone sexual orientation
050. [ ] came out of the closet
051. [ ] gotten pregnant
052. [ ] had an abortion
053. [x] done something you've regretted
054. [x] broke a promise
055. [x] hid a secret
056. [x] pretended to be happy
057. [x] met someone who changed your life
058. [x] pretended to be sick
059. [x] left the country (started off out of the country)
060. [x] tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it
061. [x] cried over the silliest thing
062. [x] ran a mile
063. [ ] went to the beach with your best friend(s)
064. [x] got into an argument with your friends
065. [x] hated someone
066. and this one? uhm..

067. Eating → nothing? its almost 11..
068. Drinking → Water?
069. I'm about to → Call someone.
070. Listening to → Lady- Big Bang <33
071. Plans for today →sleep?
072. Waiting for → Nothing.

073. Want kids? → Yeah. in multiples of either 3 or 7
074. Want to get married? → yeah. i guess..
075. Careers in mind → Astronaut! Anesthesiologist
076. Lips or eyes → Eyes.
077. Shorter or taller? →Taller.
079. Nice stomach or nice arms → They have to MATCH.
080. Sensitive or loud →either or.
081. Hook-up or relationship → Relationship
082. Trouble-maker or hesitant → NEITHER.

083. Lost glasses/contacts →yeah.
084. Ran away from home → No?
085. Hold a gun/knife for self defense →Nope.
086. Killed somebody →Nope.
087. Broken someone's heart → Hope not..doubt it.
088. and this one too? Kaythen.
089. Cried when someone died → Nope. Sad, right?

090. Yourself →Not particularly.
091. Miracles → Of Sorts.
092. Love at first sight → Not particularly.
093. Heaven → of sorts.
094. Santa Claus →Sure.
095. Sex on the first date → eh. idk.
096. Kiss on the first date →depends.

097. Is there one person you want to be with right now? → Yes..Kindve..idk.
098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life? →Not Particularly.
099. Do you believe in God → Yes.
100. Post as 100 truths and tag 10 people

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

i Love this house, I was talking to Roan earlier, and he said he'd design my dream house, which is actually a castle. Yeah, i know. It's going to be a combination of Hogwarts, Cinderella's castle, and Chartes cathedral. It is going to be Awesome. After, I want him to build me a variation of this house
It is so amazing, i swear.So yeah, I feel so odd right now, down but up. Weird, right? I cant blog in depth at the moment. eh.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

amorous. pt 1.

“How Do I Love Thee?”
by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

Monday, January 12, 2009


Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were, but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today, ooh, ooh

I would hold you in my arms, I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done, forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do to hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you but I know you won't be there

Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this, ooh

Would you tell me I was wrong? Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me? Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't do to have just one more chance
To look into your eyes and see you looking back

Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself, oh

If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you
Since you've been away

Oh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself
By hurting you.

en raison de toi.

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

Friday, January 9, 2009


I feel so sad at the moment. This should be in my other blog, but I don't exactly want to use that one, don't know why. I'll probably end up posting it in there anyways. So, anyways, there's something in me that wants to die right now. I don't know what it is, it's just losing the will to live. It's as if my head says "be happy, your life is going great right now" and my body and heart are saying "don't lie to yourself, you're coming apart at the seams, you may be able to lie to yourself, and others, but not me". I don't have the ability to cry. The reason- I don't know, honestly. :]

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
I think its real. Terrible. It's probably never going to go away either. You don't want to accept it, but I think about you every day. You're always on my mind.

Okay, so new part of the blog. I was thinking, and I don't know who that song reminds me of more. Both J names, one reads this blog. LOL. So, yeah.
Yay, Rikki is home. One thing in my life that is going mildly right, maybe now, with my therapist home from her vaycay ill feel less dead. I'm starting to do homework just to fill the void. TERRIBLE! I feel so incredibly empty all of the time now DX.

I'll blog more later. i guess.

Thursday, January 8, 2009


Soyeah, im listening to my blogsong right now, and i have to say, that i Love it and, a the same time, hate it. Its difficult to expain. It reminds me of Jeshua utterly. its so weird.

Haven't you heard?
I'm stuck on a face
I'm stuck on a boy who fills me with joy.
And its true, im absolutely stuck on him. Ohgosh, i hope he doesn't read this. Lol. dunno how he find it though. :] I never told him about my blog. Did I? Cant say that i remember.
And he doesn't know just how far I would go
Just to kiss him
He doesn't doesn't know I pine.
He doesn't. He doesn't know at all how much I love him. I don't think I even know. Hm. Sunset Glow has been stuck in my head for a while. I haven't talked to Goose in a while. Hm. Can't say that I really. i dunno, I wouldn't want to say care, because i like talking to him and all, but, hm. Maybe I've gotten over my crush? i dunno. Whatever.
So, I've been talking to ROANROANROAN lately. I need to make up a nickname for him. Lol.
So yeah, i feel like putting pics of BIGBANG in. Cuhs they're awesome. I haven't blogged in a while, i just realized that.. Hm.

I must say, these are my Favorite pictures of them. :] just BTW.

There's a line in this song, that depresses me deeply.
And haven't you heard?
I thought I had first
And he loves me so
We're two in a row.
Soyeah. He doesn't love me so.. and.. :/ Should this blog be on the other? No idea.

So. so so, gruesome. yesterday, i was reading up on lethal injection and types of death penalties. hm. My computer is registering weird spell-checks. On words that aren't spelled incorrectly. Whatever. So, on the PSATs i got 145 or something of the sort. im in the 55th percentile. My math score brought DOWN. Way down. Sad.
I'm running out of things to blog about. I miss Rikki dearly. :[ Jon too. Jeshua too. Ah. Sven too. :[[ I'm making Rikki a jacket. :] IF YOU READ THIS. AND YOU SPOIL MY SURPRISE IM GOING TO KILL YOU. ACT IT! Lol.

Ran outtve things to writ e about. Blog tomorrow promise. I'm gna go read Beloved. Yuck.

That fire you ignited
Good, bad and undecided
Burns when I stand beside it
Your light is ultraviolet

Visions so insane
Travel unraveling through my brain
Cold when I am denied it
Your light is ultraviolet

P.S. Goose, dyou still read this? hm.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

June 29th.

C'est moi? Je Ne Sais Pas.

the intuitive individuals celebrating birthdays on this date have a knack for anticipating other peoples actions and reactions. While you are ambitious and determined with a strong sense of purpose and a need to be successful, you are also quite amiable and extremely sensitive to the prevailing mood. In business, you are quick to figure out what the public wants and able to understand what must be done in order to give it to them. Since you go out of your way to avoid arguments and unpleasantness, you usually know the right thing to do or say to get others to go along with your plans and ideas.
Those born on June 29 are typically compassionate, home loving, and gracious. Although you usually put your family and friends first, you know how to make everyone feel welcome. You are helpful and accommodating, but you cannot be pushed too far. When you're upset, you turn sullen and moody. Shrewd in business and finance, your practical side keeps you focused on you material goals. However, the artistic side of your nature yearns for the tranquility of beautiful things and harmonious surroundings.
Because you think in pairs, you're much happier sharing your life with a partner than going it alone. You are innately warm-hearted, affectionate, and responsive. You're also rather sentimental, and romance and courtship are particularly important to you.